Life: the good, the bad, and the ugly

I was bored today so I posted a question on Facebook about what topic I should write about. I don't post much on FB so I was surprised to see a response. As usual my bestie was the first to comment. Write about "how life is", she says...so here goes...(keep in mind that these are MY thoughts and we can agree to disagree)

Life is first and foremost something all of us should be thankful for. If you're reading this, you have many things to be thankful for b/c there are others that wish for the simple things we take for granted. You woke up, groomed yourself, and probably dashed out the door so you could make it to work/school on time. We wake up and carry on with our morning routines without giving a second thought to the what if's or how life will affect us throughout the day.

Secondly, Life is generally good. Yeah I know, it ain't always that great but think about the things that make life worth living. Life teaches us lessons in a vast catalog of subjects. Let's not concentrate on positive or negative outcomes; instead, think about how those lessons helped to shape and mold you into the person you are today. Sometimes life deals us a shitty hand but we must remember that there's a reason and a season for everything. Looking back, can you honestly say you're stronger despite the trials that have come your way? Of course you can, you're still standing.

It's easier to deal with the happier aspect of life such as the thrills of love, advancing careers, raising families, and living in the moment. But what about when we have to accept the harder things like death, unemployment, falling out of love, and etc. How you respond to life's tragic moments defines that other side of you. Those things are apart of you and how you view the world. Some things take a long time to bounce back from and others you never truly heal from.

Now, all these things I think are true from a human standpoint, but spiritually its a different story. Spiritually we must understand that this life is just a pit-stop to something better. Also while we're living we must remember that "it ain't all about you/us". Ultimately, its about loving one another in the way that God loves us. Life lessons shape not only our human character but our spiritual character as well. As we go through life the content of our prayers change. And just like our bodies grow, so does our faith.

Life is about experiences and choices, both good and bad. As I get older, the experiences I've had shaped the way I think, feel, and react. I realize that sometimes I don't make the best decisions and at times life is much harder than I expected. Those decision hurt so badly but because my relationship with God is evolving, there's no shame in admitting that I was wrong and seeking his direction instead of depending upon my own. That right there is the answer to all the things that life throws at us...Seeking God's council in everything. I'm not preaching to anyone here, I just felt the need to write from the heart.

A few things to remember:

Life can be really sucky or really wonderful, it just depends of how you choose to look at the situations. Life changes constantly, just pray and go with the flow. The quality of your life depends on who/what you're connected to...let your relationship with God (or whoever you believe in) evolve and allow your faith to grow. Depend on HIS direction, not your own. Love hard and live in the moment. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, just open your eyes and learn from them. Don't let trials break you down til you have nothing left, stand up and keep fighting. Life makes no sense at times, remember in the end it will all come together and your destiny will be fulfilled.

Peace & Blessings

Circles and Triangles

Us.....an unsettling thought that I try to block from my mind everytime I hear u speak. Something is there, beckoning me to eat from the forbidden fruit tree.
wanna touch u but my hands are tied.
wanna kiss u but my lips are sealed.

I'm running from u b/c your intentions have been revealed. U make me feel so at ease but I'll die if I stay. Simply put, she's getting in the way. Damn, I wish I met u at a different place in time. Then my internal struggle wouldn't be so damn complicated. I would just have to fight my feelings to save face...... not to fight an ever-losing battle against a giant I can't defeat.
Its morally wrong and I don't want u to hurt me like they did. Stop reading me like that, u make me blush from embarrassment like a little kid. Your spell is too strong and I'm trying to break free but honestly all I have are visions of you inside of me.

Wait, I'm confused...I don't know her and I don't see what you see. Sometimes I'm kool and other times I wish it was me in her shoes...that's not kool...if i cant be number 1 i cant be satisfied with number 2...but that's the hand I have to play. I have to keep my distance b/c u make me tap into certain things about myself that I try to keep locked away.

How do u do that shit?

Boy u need to quit...

We're playing with fire, and you're fueling my desires. You talk a good game and I wanna know its real but I keep telling myself "heart be still". I'll play my position and as a good friend should do, stay in my place. Just know that if she fucks up...how quickly she can be replaced.

Truth Is...Vol.1

some of you may not understand my reasons for doing this but in a way its kinda like therapy. i have to express myself somehow, what better way than this :-)

I heard a song today and it reminded me of you
Memories danced around in my head and I smiled at them all except for one...well maybe two...
I know you will never read this or hear me say these things but keeping it inside makes it hard for me to breathe
I have to carry the burden that I might've made one of the biggest errors in mankind
like a damn fool I walked away from you and now its too late
I know you're not tied down, dnt ask me how just know I have my ways
whenever you come into thought I get this overwhelming feeling of regret, and I dnt regret shit
although time has gone by and you've outgrown me, I owe you a few things...
an explaination, an apology, and honesty.
I walked away b/c I loved you yet I was selfish...yeah that sounds a little crazy...well maybe crazy as hell.
from the day you walked into my popcorn scented world I loved you.
you were a vision of perfection but there was always something hidden in your eyes.
tall, athletic, with an infectious smile that melted my heart.
long phone conversations, movie nights, playing hookey just to be with you.
time flew by and my feelings grew while yours remained dormant.
I wanted so much for you to let me love you unconditionally but that part of you I just couldnt touch
your heart is so big yet its well guarded like fort knox
I tried being nonchalant, shit didnt work
tried being sweet and patient, shit didnt work
it hurt me deeply but I felt I needed to love from a distance to protect my heart and give you space
funny thing is...it hurts more now that you arent here
I apologize for not being there to fight those battles with you, at the time I was selfish as hell
I apologize for the things I said
even though i feel this way, I am glad that I had those experiences.
remember the time we went to that bookstore?
I swear that was the most memorable times in my life.
It was like something from the pages of a Eric Jerome Dickey book
That was the day you rocked my world without removing a single article of clothing
Honestly, I havent felt the same way since and i want that old feeling back
I wish u knew...

signed by : Starchaser_0322

hurt

i dont want to think about what happened.
it hurts too much
cant bear the thought of your harsh words scrollng in my head.
want to hide away
want to hurt you as much as you hurt me
maybe i want to hurt you even worse
i didnt deserve that
you were dead-ass wrong
how could you do that to me
after all the shit we shared
secrets
future plans
past experiences
favorite things
everything was a lie
a fucking fairy-tale fabricated web of lies and deceptions
you promised that you would never hurt me
you are the reason why i dont believe in promises
man never keeps them...

laying in bed hurt over you...

rufflin' feathers...LMAO!!!

I know I haven't blogged in a lil minute and sure I said this was supposed to be a journey to becoming a better person and helping ppl but I gotta do this. IF UR AN EXTREMELY POSITIVE PERSON...CLICK OFF NOW!!!

Ok I gotta get this off my chest...(first off I'm in love/like again...yay me lol). Moving on...before I met my guy there was this dude that was trying to get my attention. At the time I wasn't looking for a new relationship, all I wanted was some easy conversation and enjoy life as a single woman. This dude was soooo not the dating type but he seemed to be decent...and I'm not gonna lie..sometimes I like hood shyt so he was right up my alley or so I thought. I was so wrong but I'm not ashamed to admit it. He had a job but its mediocre, no damn car, and not attractive whatsoever. Then to top it all off...he is a whore. Not even an everyday run of the mill type whore but a straight up 360degree, low-down, roll in the dirt type shone. I understand we all have hoe-tendencies from time to time but there's a way to conduct yourself in any situation. If you're shonin' don't think you're slick and attempt to fuck with best friends. We should always remember that what's done in the dark will come to the light. Obviously Mr. SupaShone shoulda known word was gonna get back to me b/c they are real women and they are like family to me. So he develops a sudden case of amnesia when we blow up his spot and drops off the face of the earth. Now all of a sudden he decides to POP up and try his luck with me...wow really bitch?! He really doesn't know who he's fuckin wit!! Long story short he get the cold shoulder then gets in his feelings...c'mon really dude...REALLY?!! Be 21 bout yours and keep dat shyt 100!!! Don't get mad and resort to name calling, fuck niggaz do that type of shyt. If you're a hoe and you can't help it let that be known and be a proud hoe...just keep your diseased dick over there with them nasty bitches 'round your way LMAO!!! He really took it to the childish level and called me a bitch and stormed off...really fool...REALLY??!!! A bitch...LOL...I'll be that anyday rather than be a grimy-ass nigga. He has no idea how much of a bitch I can be...but this time whatever was done is satisfying enough. Shout-outs to him and his tear soaked pillows...I got a real man...hope ya'll got a laugh out of this b/c I damn sure did. Be easy...SMOOCHEZ!!! :-*

Randomness No.1

What is this??..I said I wasnt gonna do this anymore but I cant help it. I love men and I cant deny it...maybe it's a issue or maybe it's a healthy addiction but whatever it is I never want it to stop. Despite all the bullshit I've been through with these no good fools, theres always a man somewhere...a REAL MAN!!! I've been in situations where I've been broken down to nothing. I just didnt care anymore. I stopped dressing up, doing my hair, keeping my nails done, EVERYTHING!! All of that just because of some low-down punkass little boy when I know I'm worth more. When I know I was raised to be more than just someones foot stool. This right here is for all the REAL MEN that know how to do those things to make us women feel like the greatest creations walking the earth...THANK YOU!! To all the daddies taking care of your responsibilities, the businessmen working hard everyday, the grandfathers that know just what to say or do to encourage us. The brothers that fight for us and make us laugh, the best friends that love us unconditionally, the husbands that play multiple roles in raising our children and taking care of us mind, body, and spirit...there are no words to express my graditude to all of you and the ones I failed to mention but you know my heart.

Okay I have a few men that im absolutely head over heels for...to protect them I'm not gonna call no names but you know exactly who you are...

My Heart: I miss you so much and there will NEVER be another man like you. Everyday I look in the mirror at myself and I see you staring right back at me. It's okay that you arent here physically b/c honestly you never left me. You instilled so much wisdom in me and reminded me how beautiful I really am. I know that you are proud of me regardless of what I do. I need you to know that you were the thread holding us all together and because of you we're still holding on. Dont worry bout your girls...I understand that I'm here to be their strength and they are mine too. I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!

My Star: How did I ever let you get away from me...glad we've found our way back home. Everyday we spent apart was like an eternity. I love you as a man and as my friend just wish you would've fought a little harder with me and not pushed me in another direction. Theres something about you that drives me absolutely insane...you bring out the best, the worst, and the freak in me LOL. Who would've thought I would ever feel this way...when the first time we met I couldnt stand you. But through it all you were a constant thought. Maybe theres a purpose for you being in my life...all that I know is that I never want it to end. I need you to understand that theres something inside of you the world has yet to see and you're worried bout the wrong thang. What are you stressing for when everything you need has already been provided for. Let others see what I see in you...

My Love: Where do I begin....You have been there when nobody else was and I thank you for that. Even though we both know theres more to our story the timing just aint right but time waits for nothing so maybe we're right where we need to be. You mean the world to me...but you already know that babez. I've watched you grow up from a lil boy with big hair to a grown-ass man. I need you to understand that you work too hard. Our whole lives we've talked about our plans and you always said that you wanna provide for all of us but what you failed to realize is that you already did that. It doesnt matter what time of day it is or where you are...the whole damn world stops just for me. I am so blessed to have you in my corner b/c you always treated me like the queen that I am. You simply are DAT MAN!! LOL

My Funny Bone: Wow...thats all I can say. Its downright scary at times how much we have in common. You're not a tripp...you're a vacation. We dont have history behind us but theres a story waiting to be written. I just want you to understand that theres more to me than meets the eye and I hope you can handle it. I've been hurt before and I refuse to go back there ever again...my question to you is...could you be that someone to mend my heart. True, you make me smile...just keep doing it. You spark something in me that is like a breeze off the water at my favorite thinking spot. I remember why I am and who I am and I thank you :)

Okay ya'll I just had to get that off my chest... let me go feed my face. Be easy and be blessed.

Maybe I'm Crazy...

This is my first blog so plz be nice. i woke up the other day with this notion to create a blog...why? honestly i have no clue...maybe im crazy...

well maybe this will help me explore my thoughts and feelings about certain things ppl dont know about me. im a fairly private person so this is SO outside my character...lol. just bear with me...and all my typos, dry humor, and profanity (i try to be a lady but sometimes how i feel just takes me there). a little bit about me:

im currently in my 25th year of breathing on this earth. im currently unemployed but desperately looking to fill these voids with something fulfilling to do with my life. back at home with my family due to a string of unexpected and tragic events...im happy things played out the way they did. im a fun-loving, family-oriented southern hummingbird reigning from miami, fl. so far i sound like a broke-ass young woman full of problems and issues but thats so far from the truth...or should i say how i feel about my situations lol.

**gimmie a minute...let me put these chicken wings in the oven**

okay im back..where was i? okay i feel like this, im a victim of my own stupidity lol. i keep running from one place to another but im not too sure what im running from. There i said it!!! i want so much to be  successful, financially stable, and be in love with someone that truly appreciates me but i make one bad decision after another. even though this maybe the case i still find a way to keep moving forward and try to use my mistakes and short-comings as learning experiences. i have so much to offer the world and so many things i could be doing to improve my situations im just at a standstill right now. ive been through a lot and maybe i've allowed these things to cripple me...or maybe im crazy lol. i have to find humor in the things that are meant to hurt me or piss me off. i hoping that in writing this blog theres somebody out there that finds me to be an inspiration or can emphantize with me. someone that understands how i feel. also i hope that with each entry i produce theres healing for me and others. i hope to be a voice for someone unable to speak out for themselves. to be the person to bring insight into situations we might not understand.  hope you'll enjoy...